Funniest and Best Percy Jackson Quotes

these are in no particular order. If you think of any you want me to add just tell me!

Chapter 1

Quotes!

by: Harper_
"You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush." -Percy says to Rachel -Book 4 Battle of the Laybrinth

'If you see my dad on the highway to Hell, kick his a-s-s for me." -Luke Castellean to Percy Jackson -Book 1 The Lightening Thief (technically from the movie but I still cracked up)

"Yay! Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!"
-Tyson to Percy -Book 3 Titan's Curse (I think)

"Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Zoe Nightshade to Thalia, Percy, Grover- Book 3 Titans Curse

"Grover was sniffing the wind, looking nervous. He fished out his acorns and threw them into the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but Grover looked concerned.
"That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."
"Which one is me?" I asked.
"The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.
"Oh, shut up."
Percy to Zoe- Book 3 Titan's Curse

"Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
Nico to Percy- Book 3 Titan's Curse

"In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day."
Percy Jackson- Book1 (I think)

""Percy, meet Gladiola. Gladiola, Percy."
I stared at Annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me, but she looked deadly serious.
"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle," I said. "Forget it."
"Percy," Annabeth said. "I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle."
The poodle growled.
I said hello to the poodle.
Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, and Grover Underwood- Book 1 (I think!)

"As I got closer to the fence, I held my shirt over my nose to block the smell. One stallion waded through the muck and winnied angerly at me. He bared his teeth, which were pointed like a bear's.
I tried to talk to him in my mind. I can do that with most horses.
''Hi'', I told him. ''I'm going to clean your stables. Won't that be great?''
''Yes!''
The horse said. ''Come inside! Eat you! Tasty half-blood! ''
''But I'm Poseidon's son,''
I protested. ''He created horses.''
Usually this gets me VIP treatment in the equestrian world, not this time.
''Yes!'' The horse agreed enthusiasticly. ''Poseidon can come in, too! We will eat you both! Seafood!''
''Seafood!''
The other horses chimed in as they waded through the field
Percy to the flesh eating horses-Book 3

"It's him," I said. "Typhon."
I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!'
Percy to Chiron-Book 5

Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.
Annabeth: Was it hard?"
Rachel Annabeth and Percy- Book 4

Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart."'
Aphrodite to Percy- Book 3

"Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?"
Apollo to Percy- Book 3

"Jumping out a window five hundred feet above ground is not usually my idea of fun. Especially when I'm wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck."
Percy Jackson- Book 4

""The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.""
Percy to Annabeth- Book 3
“Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades."
Percy Jackson (I don't remember which book)

“Poison!” Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..."
“Or we'll die?” I guessed.
“Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes.”
“Let's avoid the swords," I decided.”
Grover to Percy- Book 4

"Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment, as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?"
Percy Jackson-Book 1

"Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?
Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?
Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god! . . . They don't seem to care."-
Rachel to annabeth- Book 4

We only came close to dying six or seven times, which i thought was pretty good. Once, I lst my grip and found myself dangling by one hand from a ledge fifty feet above the rocky surf. But I found another handhold and kept climbing. A minute later Annabeth hit a slippery patch of moss and her foot slipped. Fortunately, she found something else to put it against. Unfortunately, that something was my face.
"Sorry," she murmured.
"S'okay," I grunted, though I'd never really wanted to know what Annabeth's sneaker tasted like."
Percy and Annabeth-Book 2

"Annabeth: "Hey, Seaweed Brain."
Percy: "Will you stop calling me that?"
Annabeth: "You know you love it."
Percy and Annabeth-The Demi-God Files

"I couldn't believe I'd come this far, lost Tyson, suffered through so much, only to fail-stopped by a big stupid monster in a baby-blue tuxedo kilt. Nobody was going to swat down my friends like that! I mean...nobody, not Nobody. Ah, you know what I mean."
Percy-Book 2

"She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that.
Instead she (Annabeth) said, "You drool when you sleep.""-
Annabeth to Percy-Book 1

"God alert! Blackjack yelled. It's the wine dude!
Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!""
Blackjack, Mr. D, and Percy-book 3

"It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up.
Percy Jackson- Book 3

. ""Monkey bar," Annabeth said. "I'm great at these." She leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure."
Percy Jackson- (I don't remeber)

" Can we just call them storm spirits?” Leo asked. “Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks."
Leo Valdez (Technically this isn't percy jackson but Hero's of Olympus but I love it so much I had to put it)

"What I did next was so impulsive and dangerous I should’ve been named ADHD poster child of the year."
Percy Jackson-Book 1

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