Snorts, Laughter and Blank Looks- Weird Made Up Stories Designed To Amuse People

Just some short stories to make people snort :P Enjoy!

Chapter 2

Socks -An Untold Story-

The sock shivers in the tiny cupboard it has been placed in. Humans are cruel. Putting you in confined, black spaces, not thinking about socks as living creatures, as things that need warmth and hygiene and comfort and love...

The author's sock wriggles. "IT?? IT??? DID YOU DESCRIBE ME AS AN IT IN YOUR GODDAMNED WORDS?"
The writer glances down, uncomfortable. "How am I supposed to know your gender? I don't see anything...Hanging."
The sock huffs. "Well, DUH. It's always the same. The sock that is the thickest and that you're more lickely to wear on your right foot is male. The other one is female."
The narrator nods, comprehending, and continues writing, giving the sock an apology for being so rude as to call her an it.

The left sock -usually referred to as Sokia, her maiden name- starts talking to her husband, called Sokko. He is very handsome, with intricate weaving and very tight-fitting. Unfortunately, Sokia's skin is a bit thin and her pattern is a bit more simple. She is very happy with Sokko, though.

Of course, that's when Sokia heard the dreaded footsteps.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Sokko and Sokia jumped up. "SHE'S COMING!"
The sock family, consisting of Sokki, Soca, Socz and Socker (not counting our main star-crossed lovers Sokko and Sokia, of course) started panicking.
You see, if you got picked, that meant getting dragged around in the dust-filled house all day to warm a stupid human's stinking feet, although to the credit of the human that usually wore them, she did usually have some very pleasent smelling balm on her feet...

Anyway, it wasn't pleasant. I mean, would you like to be pulled around someone's feet? Socks are like...Like...The condoms for feet...It's not fair!
The human's footsteps stopped in front of a drawer, and Sokko and Sokia and Socker and Socz and Soca and Sokki all held their breath in anticipation.
The drawer was ripped open and they were exposed to bright light that nearly blinded them. The human grabbled around without mercy, until she found Sokko and pulled him out, eyeing him.
"Well, you're a pretty sock!" she exclaimed, raising her big, filthy, gruesome foot and pulling him on.
Sokia was furious! And jealous, too. Only she was allowed to adres her husband in such a way! Psh! Humans!
Unfortunately, the human was smart, and had spotted that they were a pair. She grabbed Sokia, frowned but then pulled her on and flexed her feet.
"That's better!" she said, stomping off of the stairs again.
Sokia and Sokko winced each time she jumped. Surely she wouldn't trod on a human! What a cruel speciman! Of course, then she entered the living room...
Dust bunnies stuck to Sokia and Sokko, and already they were pleading for mercy and a wash, but the human ignored them for the rest of the day and then tossed them in a corner at the end of the day, leaving them moaning in pain.

The End


P.S. Now I feel guilty for my socks...

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