I Feel Like I Know You (A Darren Criss Story)

December 3, 2011
4:05 PM
Dude, your rabbit ate my fish. You, sir, owe me a new fish

Sorry, I think you have the wrong number. Actually, I'm positive.

Oh shiit, sorry! Just got this freaking phone, I must have pressed the wrong number or something

Its fine

December 5
5:35 PM
Wait, what?

Um...what? Who is this?

The wrong number you texted. How the hell did the rabbit even get into the fish tank?

And do rabbits even like fish?

That is a weird situation.

I am trying to decide whether to be amused or creeped out.

I'm googling it

Whether I should be amused or creeped out? Thats an odd thing to google...

It didn't say if rabbits like fish or not. Is your friend in the circus? Because circus people can train their rabbits to swim

This is quite possibly the weirdest thing that's happened to me

Or maybe the rabbit is magical and can turn into a shark

Seriously. Weirdest. Thing. Ever.

Did your friend even get you a new fish?

No, and he's not my friend, he's my horrible brother

He must be, if he didn't even get you a fish. You should sue

Ok. I'm leaving now. Goodbye.

NO! WAIT! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME OR IF YOU BELIEVE IN UNICORNS!

DO YOU?

I'M GOING TO DIE OUT OF CURIOSITY

You are a meaniepants. Bye

December 6th
3:09 AM
I do

Whoa, shouldn't we take it a bit slower? At least let me take you on a date, then maybe we can talk about proposals

I will ignore what you just said. I'm answering your unicorn question. I do believe in unicorns and magic and true love, so if you want to make fun of me, do it now.

Crap, I'm being defiant to a complete stranger. I need to rearrange my priorities. And maybe get a therapist.

Did your Hogwarts letter got lost in the mail too?

And I don't think you need a therapist

Except maybe for the devastating loss of your fish, may he rest in peace.

And now my drink is all over my phone

?

My fish's name was Snape, and at the last HP movie when Snape died my friend started crying and yelling "A devastating loss! May he rest in peace! He didn't even know what the devil was going on here!"

Great, now my drink is all over my phone, too.

Happy to share the entertainment.

I don't even know your name

My name is Tangerine

Are you serious?

Are you kidding? No way, but wouldn't that be so cool!

I agree. Tangerine is an awesome name. Its so organic

Lol

What?

Nothing, you just sound like someone I like

Okey Dokey

Are you 3?

Possibly

3:30 AM
Why are you even up now?

Just can't get enough of me, I see

Please answer the question

Its only midnight here, that's not late at all!

Oh. Didn't even think about time zones. So you're near the Pacific?

Yep. What time is it there?

3:30

So you're near the Atalantic

Yep. I've always wanted to go to California though. It looks so beautiful in pictures.

I was on the East Coast about a week ago.

I've always been here. It actually sucks.

*Always? Please, dear god tell me thats an exaggeration."

Nope. Never even left New York

Shiit, now you know where I live.

Are you going to come kill me?

I hope not.

L.A.

?

That's where I live. For now, at least. There, now we're even.

Oh cool. I won't kill you if you won't kill me, deal?

Deal.