POEM-There's Always an "If" in "Life"

What can I say? Hit emo-city for around an hour, (11 till 12:26) and this is what was on my head..Did a little soul-searching and such. Now I'm pretty relaxed or just numb.

Chapter 1

"Pain Cannot Bring Happiness, Happiness Can Bring Pain, But Focus on Being Free"

I cut,
I bleed, 
I don't let anyone see.

I think of you, by just your name,
I forget my pain,
But it doesn't doesn't go away,
When you're gone,
It all feels wrong,
Like being deaf and hearing a song 
Or seeing stuff in black white,
Feels like there's no tomorrow
That's why on my arm I write,
When I realize my dreams are shattered,
I got no future, living in his shadow.

Your name,
The pain,
I can't help it,
I want everything to change,
To make the pain go away,
I grab the razorblade,
Blood drips,
I think of the mistakes I've made
The hearts I might break, 
The friendships this could rip,
What will my parents say?
I clean the razor's tip,
What type of game am I trying to play?

If I could have just one wish,
It'd be to stop sinking,
To stop giving in,
To stop struggling,
To stop fighting,
It's like writing on a wall,
Let me show you all, 
The scars in my arm.

No, they weren't accidental,
No, I didn't have permission of any parental
No, don't feel sentimental,
No, I'm not going mental

Someday I'll figure out who I am,
Someday I'll find myself,
Someday I'll free myself,
Someday..I'll be free
Free as the sky, the songs and the seas,
I'll find true happiness,
Happiness that doesn't come from watching myself bleed,
Happiness which a blade does not bring,
Happiness that comes from just being free.

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