Shia LaBeouf

So, I don't know if you guys have seen it, but there was an internet meme a while back and it was a song about Shia LaBeouf.
Anyways, I was bored and I got people to send me prompts, and I wrote a couple of really stupid, nonsensical stories about actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf. You are probably going to judge me, but here they are.
Or you could read them here.

Chapter 1

Shia LaBeouf and the Boy and His Pizza Girlfriend

Suddenly, a rank smell surrounded them. It smelled of blood and rotten meat, and whatever it was coming from was growling.

Roderick immediately rolled away from his girlfriend. “What the fu-“

He didn’t finish. Right in front of his face was a face he had only seen in movies and his nightmares. His girlfriend whimpered. “Oh, no.”

It was Shia LaBeouf.

He jumped up and grabbed his girlfriend by the crust. “RUN!” he yelled, and together, they took off. However, Shia, on all fours, was faster than the both of them. Their running feet thundered on the forest floor, but in a matter of seconds, the cannibal had caught Roderick’s girlfriend. He bit a chunk off of her.


Roderick was frozen with horror. First, Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf had just tried eating his girlfriend. Second, he was a cannibal, but he went for the pizza instead of the human. What was up with that? Roderick actually found that rather offensive. And third, Shia apparently didn’t even like eating pizza. Who doesn’t love pizza? Even cannibals should love pizza, right? It’s pizza, for heaven’s sake!

As these thoughts played in his mind, the cannibal had reached him. When he realized this, though, it was too late. Bloody face even redder from the chase, Shia screamed and stabbed Roderick with his knife. As the young man fell to the ground and shrieked in pain, his girlfriend tried getting up. She couldn’t do anything (seeing as she was a pizza), so she ran away.

Everyday after the death of her boyfriend, the pizza felt guiltier and guiltier. She had done nothing to save poor Roderick, and Shia LaBeouf was still on the loose. So she tried raising awareness. She even made a poster.

But no one believed her, and so Shia LaBeouf ended up eating everyone in the world. Then, he ate himself because there was no one left to eat.


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