Finding my Sanity ~A Hunger Games Story~

I thought of this last night, and I had to write it!!!! Why I couldn't do this for my SYOT, I don't know. =/ But this is a little "I'm sorry" for not writing the SYOT sooner! It will probably a week or two until that is up. =/ Sorry!

Chapter 1

The Reason I Live

My scarred hands no longer frightened me. I understood where these scars were from. The times I blacked-out and went on rages, banging and clawing at the walls, determined to escape this room that they trapped me in. It was very barren, white too. That was all I saw, white, all the time. I was scared when I woke, because I thought I was going toward the light. Oh, I didn't want to die. This white room, enclosed and plain, frequently drove me to rages. But would they listen when I told them this? No. I was safe here.

They agreed to remove those red blocks from my hands, but I wished they would've left them. There was too much white...I had nearly forgotten what colors look like. Doesn't pink look something like purple? Isn't my hair...green? No, my hair is yellow. I pondered. I used to call it something different, but my mind was too beaten to remember. My eyes were green. That I was certain.

I huddled in the corner of the room, hugging my knees and rocking to comfort myself. I was empty, like the room. All that remained in me were the basic things, exactly...like the room. A bed, toilet, maybe a chair, if I was good.

I wanted to leave, this place wasn't nice. It was mean, very. The hidden door taunted me, by reminding me I couldn't leave. The soft walls crushed me; this was the farthest I would go, ever. Even as I attempted to comfort myself, the room was shrinking. The terrible sound of jabberjays suffocated the air. I rocked faster and covered my ears. No. No. No. The jabberjays screeched, but I couldn't find them.

I was screaming now, my sanity was crumbling beyond repair. The jabberjays only screeched louder and taunted me. I banged my head on the wall. They didn't leave. "GO AWAY!" I cried, tears streaming endlessly down my face in a never ending flood. I clenched my fists and pressed my head, hoping to drown out the jabberjays.

I tackled the floor and punched the ground. I would find the jabberjays, I would kill them. The wretched mutations imitated his scream, his very last cry.

I felt somebody grab me, and I lost every ounce of sanity. "No!" I yelled and sprinted across the room. No matter how fast I ran, they were faster. His screams, the shrinking walls, my chaser, were too much to bare. My limbs quaked and gave in, but I had to crawl. I was now pinned to the ground by my chaser, who was much stronger than me. I was puny and could not escape, but I had to try to get away.

"Stop," a voice whispered.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed.

The person hushed me softly, working me into a gentle hug. I slowly calmed because I recognized the strong arms, the only person who could cause and end my rages.

"Ivory!" I gasped, bawling in his shirt. "Don't leave." I clinged to him like he was my life, because he was my life, and he informed me I was his. I didn't understand why he loved a person like me. Then again, I didn't understand a lot of things.

"Never," Ivory tightened his arms around me. I leaned into him in a daze, unable to shake his screams from my mind. Ivory wiped my tears and caressed my face. I could feel myself slipping into sleep, but I didn't want to sleep. When I woke, Ivory may not be here. My chest tightened and the tears flowed again.

"I told you, Valley. I didn't die. The Games ruined your mind." Ivory reassured me, kissing my cheek lightly. He always handled me as if I was a fragile piece of glass. I probably was worse. I was already shattered.

'It's so real," I said distantly, the terrible, distorted image of Ivory's death rushing into my mind. The way he screamed my name, writhed in pain and went insane right then and there. And there had been nothing I could do to stop it.

I shuddered and I felt myself losing it. Images were becoming fuzzy, my vision was blacking. I couldn't feel Ivory's arms. This scared me more than anything.

"Ivory," I managed to mutter, reaching out for him desperately. I didn't want to be trapped in that memory of the Games. Watching Ivory died incessantly. One day, I might not escape.

Ivory's panicking voice vibrated in my ears, but I was slipping too quickly to hear his urgent call. If I were able to speak, I would have told him to be quiet. There was no telling what the insane mutation inside me would do when it heard his voice. My rages were driven by the need to save Ivory from his death. I would never forgive myself if I killed him while I was consumed in the need to save him.

"Please, don't leave me, Val." Ivory whispered, so far off from where I was. I clung to his soothing voice, allowing it to anchor me to what was left of my broken life.

Minutes dragged on like hours in the Terror, or the half-way stage between what is me and my rages. All that was in this world was darkness and an incapability to connect with my senses. But this time, I had some sense. I faintly heard Ivory murmer constant comforts in my ears that I clung to. His voice protected me from the rages, because I knew he was with me. The faux memories could not fool me, because Ivory wasn't dead.

Steadily, Ivory brought me back to him. I opened my eyes immediately to reassure myself that Ivory was still with me. Ivory's arms held me tight once again, but an uncomfortable layer of sweat covered my entire body. When I gazed up at Ivory, he didn't return my gaze with one of pity--he knew how hopeless this made me feel. Instead, Ivory kissed the top of my hair gently and smiled, pretending we weren't in an institute for the insane and we were just two people in love.

"You did better that time," said Ivory.

I only nodded.

"I'll get you out of this mess. I promise." Ivory sighed, taking my hand. I felt more safe with him than I had ever felt. But I was unable to tell him. Hopefully he could see the love in my eyes.

When Ivory came, he talked to me, because he knew I couldn't answer his questions. I hoped I would be able to one day, hold full conversations about our love for each other. Well, maybe not that far, but a full sentence would be nice.

I attempted to listen to everything Ivory said, but I dazed out involuntarily a few times. When this happened, Ivory would shake me gently. "Are you ok?" He would say, grinning slightly.

I squeezed his hand lightly to show I was. Ivory tilted my head toward him slowly, forcing me to look at him, not that I wouldn't want to. Ivory had midnight black hair and silver eyes that crinkled when he was joyful. I loved this about him, because the black and silver reminded me of a starry night, the ones I enjoyed back home.

"Your eyes are so pretty." Ivory sighed, combing his hand through my hair. He informed me of this often. This was the reason I could remember the color of my eyes. Ivory loved my eyes.

I trailed my hand along his face until it rested on his eyebrows. I circled my finger around his eyes and a few freckles near them.

Ivory clasped my fingertips and pecked them, then placed them against his heart. "Thank you."

But I wasn't finished. I twined my hands in the hair I loved, and let my hands fall around his face.

Ivory twirled one of my yellow curls in his fingers. "I like your hair, too."

I dropped my hands from his face, kissed them softly, and placed them on his heart.

Ivory nuzzled his head into my neck. "I love you." He whispered tenderly.

I snuggled into him as a response.

Trust me, you may not understand a few thing throughout the story, but I promise it isn't because I'm not thinking it through. Also, if you you think this is just a love story, you are wrong. It is mostly, but... you'll see! I hope you liked it! Comments are my life, by the way. Did you like it?

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