suicide survivor

this is all 100% true things about ME.

Chapter 1

suicide

I am a suicide survivor. I thought about it endlessly i wanted it all to end. Over 6 times i attempted it as well.
first time: i tried to slit my throat, my brother took the knife away before i could. i was 9, i got home because a bunch of kids on my bus kept calling me ugly, or dumb

second try: i jumped in front of a moving car: again i was being bullied because i still had imaginary friends... i was 10, lucky the lady slammed on the brakes before i was hit.

three: another knife, still 10 i was depressed because a family member close to me died, i wanted to join them. not to mention when i cried i was laughed at.

four: jumping in front another car, i was being teased non-stop i got little sleep dreading the next day over and over. I was 11.

five: Drowning myself, the guy i liked turned me down. he was my world i thought about him 24/7 i wasn't a stalker but he was like my perfect fit. 13 ( this year )

six: finally i tried one more knife, but my little sister walked in. i looked her in the eyes and dropped it i couldn't do that to her could i?

so yes i am a suicide survivor and i'm not done with my story.
i stopped eating because of severe depression thinking im fat for being called ugly everyday. feeling worthless and like s.hit all the time. i lost 7 pounds in three days. i slept a lot, my grades went in the toilet, and my teachers thought i didn't care. But what i regret most is i scared my friends. Those who REALLY knew me were afraid i'd drop any second. But i made each one vow never to tell anyone.
i write poetry a lot, talking about society and judgment- yet none of them realize it is through my eyes the world isn't good or evil and though many of you probably aren't even reading all of this... i hope you realize i hate myself. but i don't think i want to die anymore -_-.
Half of my clothes don't fit thanks to my diet that lasted about 3 months. and i look fragile as ever. the purple bags i once got rid of are back. and even though i have lots of friends that one bully still hurts, so i suppose those who are reading this still at this point may realize: it doesn't sound she is over suicide.
and i might not be. But why should i kill myself at this point?
i love to sing it makes me happy. But i never want to speak again.
Please. anyone who is reading this promise me one thing?

Don't make the mistakes i made. Get help don't wait it out.
my life sucks because i didn't get the help i needed and i don't want anyone to go threw that. please please. Don't promise your friend not to tell they need help if not from you them a counselor.

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