Chapter 1

Why do people always lie to me?

Why can't I die? Why is that every time I think it'll finally end, someone stops me? Someone says something that I believe for a minute before they leave me? Why is it, that every time someone tells me that I'm worth something, that I have a purpose, that I should be here, that I'm not just a waste of space, that they take it back? Am I really that horrible that people can't even bare to waste a sweet lie on me?

I mean, I know I am... but still. Sometimes I still think it could be true, or maybe they mean it, but then they tell me it's not. That's why I can't stand it when someone says something like 'they love me' or 'they're here for me' because I know it's not true. I know it's not. I know it never will be. I know it can't be.

I am that stupid, and worthless, and hopeless and a complete loser. I know that, and you all know that, and so does everyone else, so why do people always try and convince me that I shouldn't kill myself, or that I shouldn't wreck my body or things like that, when I know that all they can think is that I should do all those things?

Why is it that whenever someone sees one of my cuts or scars, they say I shouldn't do that to myself, when I know that they are thinking how much I deserve it, how much I deserve the pain, how much they want to hurt me to?

Why? Why won't anyone tell the truth?


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