I loved him...

Chapter 1


Today was going to be great. I got used to the idea of everything. He was going to come back and he was going to be better and he was going to love me exactly the way he did before summer had dared interrupt is. He promised he could come back, just three weeks of a break was all he said he wanted. He wanted to be better to me.

Or thats what he told me.

Three days of no contact and I learned the truth. He didnt love me, all those sweet words he had spoken to me were a lie. None of them meant anything. His promises of a future and so many things said to make me feel secure right after he just spoke as many words as it took to push me over.

I loved seeing him happy. I did everything I could to make sure he was happy. The things I did that bothered him, I stopped. The people he didnt like me talking to, I avoided when he was in sight. When he wanted something I did everything possible to make sure he got it.

Stupid, I was so stupid. All I wanted was for things to go back to how they were. When he would kiss me when i was sad. When he would hug me while agreeing to almost anything I wanted when i was mad. When as soon as he saw me, I was what he headed for because he actually WANTED to be with me. He liked it with me.

I dont know what changed. All I know is that something did. And the break was supposed to change that. He promised it would. That it was for me. It wasnt.

He is at some girls house right now, sleeping over. He is in her bed. Probably touching her and kissing her and telling her he loves her just like what he used to tell me. The thought brings an ache to my chest and moisture in my eyes but I know its true.

He has been trying to get more. For weeks he was asking for more, from people that werent me. I knew, of course I knew. But I never wanted to believe it. He loved me! He was supposed to love me, just like he did before. Now when he said it, he was just speaking empty words. I was just to pass the time before he found something he really wanted.

Tears keep coming. I hate every single one that escapes from my eyes but they just wont stop. Its not fair how I did so much for one person, and he did so much to betray me. The ache in my chest just wont pass. I stop trying to make it all go away and I sit and wallow in it. All the hurt and anger, I let flow through me.

I never knew it was possible for someone to love someone so much and hate them at the same time.


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