Why? (A tale of cold life and welcoming death)

Chapter 1

Thoughts (James)

The gun.
The shiny barrel, inviting me.
The temptation I must resist.
And the reason I must resist.
My best friend. The reason I am ridiculed. The only person I can trust. And the only person I am so deeply in love with I am afraid what she thinks. To the point that when I am with her I am almost once more happy. That I can fight the tug of the drugs in my veins, which cloud my thoughts, and cause her pain, and my pain, so intricately intertwined. And I can see the pain which she tries to hide underneath. I try to hide the pain seeing that holds. For if I do, it will only make the both of us worse. I feel everything she feels. Our friendship is complicated. We would both die if it were to end. We use each other as supports. She comforts me in my lows, even when I can see I do not deserve it, when I should be comforting her, because I can see that she is feeling alot worse than what I am. I can only see her feelings when the cracks appear, because she is so execelent at hiding her feelings in a way I wish I could, in order to cause her less pain. So instead of taking the gun, I pick up the syringe, and sink back into bliss.

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