I Am Who I Am

Chapter 1

A Note To The Public

by: Satanist
I am who i am, i have made mistakes in my life, and sure i used to think maybe i should regret it.....but i dont. i am proud to be who i am today, even though not many people like me. ive been depressed, ive felt like i was completely alone in the world and that living was pointless. ive been on the brink of taking my own life, just because i couldnt handle shit. Ive cut myself. and i still have a few scars from it. ive woken up, looked in the mirror and hated everything i saw staring back at me. ive battled against anorexia. ive wanted to be "pretty". ive been used by guys, im not innocent when it comes to relationship activities. ive taken nude pictures of myself and sent them to someone. ive talked dirty over the phone. ive been so fed up that ive gone out and gotten drunk, just for the hell of it. ive tried drugs because i didnt want to deal with things the way they were, i wanted a new perspective. ive gotten myself lost, and i was quite content in staying hidden from myself. ive wanted to surrender. ive been walked over by my friends, and ive been stabbed in the back. ive been hurt so many fvcking times, that i wanted to hurt myself so at least it was ME doing the harm, ive gotten in fights, ive gotten in arguments. ive fallen in and out of love. i told someone i loved them when i didnt mean it. ive been called dirty names. ive thrown temper tantrums. ive had the whole world against me, or so it felt. ive been s^xually confused about where i stand, and im very open with the fact that im Bi. ive fallen in love with my best friend. and ive stood there while they just kept hurting me over and over again.....and when the time came that i could love them? i walked away because i wouldnt risk the beautiful friendship we had. ive stolen guys from other girls. ive talked behind peoples backs, and ive said crap about them to their face. ive gotten caught up in highschool drama, fallen into the wrong crowds. ive lost my virginity. Ive been discriminated because of my religion, because i am a Satanist. but yano what? i prayed to Christ all the nights i was abused, when i was covered in blood and wanted nothing more but death....and all i got in return was silence.

Im 15yrs old

i am proud of who i am,
i love myself,
i can smile at the mirror,
i dont care what others think about me,
i love my life,
i live it to the fullest,
i will enjoy EVERY moment,
i sieze the day and do what feels right.
i WILL NOT live by what ifs, and shoulda coulda wouldas.
i will live here and now.
i can forgive the past.
i will not regret anything.
i will take pride in what i have made myself, and what i have achieved thus far.
I am myself, and myself only.
i am beautiful.
i am loved.
i will forgive myself and move on, chalking it up as another experiance to learn from.
i will not hurt
i am strong and i will make it through
mistakes are lessons that i must learn

Life is the great indulgance and death the great abstinance! Therefore live life to the fullest, HERE AND NOW!

I am not ashamed of myself.


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