Rant Farm #5

Rant Farm #5

Here's more of my rantishness. No need for more explanation. Honestly, I never seem to know quite what to put up here, but really, who reads it? Oh, and if you read it, congrats! You're in the minority! Have a free rant! (Look downward.)

Chapter 1

Antagonists are Such Idiots

Hello, children of Quibblo, here is the next installment of Rant Farm.
It is essentially my rant on why the evil characters in TV shows and movies annoy me. I don’t know if y’all have ever thought about these things or gotten the slightest bit irritated with them, but it’s possible, so I shall bring it up.
I’m always the type of person who roots for the antagonist because it would be a really nice change from the predictability of the good guy coming out on top, but I’m sure if the bad guys followed some simple rules, they could win.
1.) DON’T LEAVE THE PROTAGONISTS ALONE
I honestly do not know why, but the antagonists always have some tendency to leave the protagonists alone. It’s like they think that tying them up and calling them captured is going to keep them from escaping. I mean, if you tie up a person and watch them carefully, they won’t be able to escape because you will be keeping guard over them, so if they make any sudden movements, you can get ‘em, but nooo. The enemy always “traps them”, and leaves them to their own devices as if the moment they turn the protagonists won’t start whispering to their partner in crime and figuring out how to escape so they can be missing by the time the enemy comes back in to check in on them, so keep an eye on them, eh?
2.) KILL THEM QUICKLY
Why is it that the bad guys always try to drag out their murders? Like when they have the good guy suspended over a pit of lava. Just cut the rope or whatever already! Or when they have someone on a slowly moving conveyor belt leading up to a whirring chainsaw. Does it really have to move that slowly? Maybe they want to create a mood of suspense or something, but really, it doesn’t. It’s like they are waiting for someone to come and rescue the person in danger, so why can’t they just get it over with so they can pull the, “You’re too late! *evil laugh*” that they’ve always wanted to do?
3.) DON’T TELL THEM YOUR PLAN
I think antagonists must really enjoy reveling in the glory of their genius because they do it all the time. They get their rival trapped, and they leisurely sit down and tell them all of the details of exactly what they are going to do-when they are going to do it, how they are going to do it, why they are going to do it. Maybe they want to give themselves credit, or maybe they just want to allow their opponent more time to create an opposing plan, so they are more evenly matched. For instance, in the fourth Harry Potter Book, if Barty Crouch Junior (at the time, masquerading as Alastor Moody) hadn’t spent a good long time telling Harry exactly what he had done and what he was planning t do in the future, Dumbledore wouldn’t have caught up to him before he killed Harry. Not that I wanted Harry dead, but I didn’t really see any point in his huge narrative.
4.) DON’T TRY THE SAME THINGS REPETITIVELY
I highly encourage the bad guys not to try the exact same strategy over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. It won’t work just because you’ve done it 83903949 times. It really won’t. Take Phineas and Ferb for example: It is basically the same show every week. Someone will say, “I know what we’re going to do today.” Someone will say, “Where’s Perry?” Doofenshmirtz will build and Inator. Perry the Platypus will fly in with his convenient backing vocalists singing, “Perry!” or, “Agent P!” to the strangely shaped building of, “Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!” Candace will call Mom to bust the boys for some odd invention that is beyond their logical capabilities, even though I’m not sure why she has to, and she will drag Mom back into the backyard to see that it has mysteriously disappeared. Candace never busted the boys because she did the same thing repetitively (yet we kept watching the show). Bad guys do the same thing. Change things up a little. It won’t hurt!
So bad guys, please heed my advice. It always annoys me when you fail when it could have been an easy win. Comment if this annoys you as well! Thanks for reading!

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