Funny and Random but True Quotes! XD

I DID NOT MAKE THESE!!! I wouldn't be funny enough... XD

Chapter 1

Funny but True Quotes!!! XD XD XD XD

1. I don't know what's more awkward: answering Dora, or letting her stare at you really creepily.

2. Due Tomorrow = Do Tomorrow

3,The trouble with life is there's no background music.

4. Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Go look for him. The poor guy could be stuck in a tree.

5. If Cinderella's glass slipper fit perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?

6. Good friends let you cry on their shoulders. Best friends get a shovel and say,"Okay, where is the bit-ch that hurt my best friend?!"

7. "Nerd"? I prefer the term "smarter than you".

8. When a girl likes a guy, nobody knows but her. When a guy likes a girl, everybody but the girl knows.

9. I hate when waiters/waitresses say ,"Would you like a table?" It's all like, "No, floor for five please." -_-

10. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You fall, I laugh even harder.

11. That mini heart-attack when you miss a step on the stairs.

12. My mom told me, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't talk." Now people wonder why I'm quiet.

13. I'm a female.
FE = Iron
male = man
So I'm Ironman.

14. Admit it, you've Googled yourself before.

15. My parents say not to talk to strangers. Well, how am I supposed to make friends? "Hi! Wanna be friends?" "Sorry, I can't talk to strangers."

16. We are all mature until we see bubble rap.

17. 99% of people are cool. The other 1% go to my school.

18. I made this up for all you Directioners out there! XD
Group of Stupid Boys: What direction do five gay guys walk in?
Me: Well, you guys should know.

19: Kid: I got an A+ in math.
Mother: WTF honey!
Kid: What do you think that means?
Mother: Well that's fantastic.

20.

21. I'm a mind-reader because I knew you were wondering why 20 was blank.

22. When people ask me for a piece of candy I'm eating, I give them the worst flavor.

23. Do something awesome, no one sees it. Do something embarrassing, everyone sees it.

24. I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus.

25. He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

26. Trying to act natural around the cops, even when you did nothing wrong.

27. Everyone has that one friend who doesn't get the hint when it's time to go home.

28. Annoying Person: Aw, you're cute when you're mad.
Me: Keep it up, and I'm about to get real adorable.

29. Some people need to realize Facebook is a social networking site, not a diary.

30. Dear Eleven-Year-Olds: Why is your relationship status "It's complicated"? Did they steal your animal crackers?

31. Admit it, we all walk faster when a white van pulls up near us.

32. Dear Microsoft Word: I'm pretty sure I spelled my name correctly.

33. I didn't fall. The floor was lonely. So I gave it a hug.

34. The Walk of Shame at the store when you have to put something back because your mom said no.

35. Oh, wait a sec, I found your nose for you. It was all up in my business again.

36. It's a beautiful day. Now watch some idiot screw it up.

37. ( This one is long, but funny. XD ) Lose your pen = no pen
No pen = No notes
No notes = No study
No study = Fail
Fail = No diploma
No diploma = No work
No work = No money
No money = No food
No food = Skinny
Skinny = Ugly
Ugly = No love
No love = No marriage
No marriage = No kids
No Kids = Alone
Alone = Depression
Depression = Sickness
Sickness = Death
Lesson: Don't lose your pen. You will die.

38. When life hands you Skittles...chuck them at people and say, "Taste the freaking rainbow!"

39. Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.

40. Computer: Press any key to start.
( No offense ) Blonde: Where is the "any" key?

41. Welcome to Fail!
Population: You

42. Some people deserve to be high-fived...in the face...with a chair....

43. Priest: I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may update your Facebook status.

44. I thought air was free until I bought a bag of Lay's.

45. Me looking at old pics: Why?
Me looking at old haircut: Why??
Me looking at old clothes: Why?!
Me looking at old crush: WHY?!?!

46. Accomplishing things before the microwave hits 00:00.

47. I miss the old days when homework was Connect The Dots.

48. 3% Battery: The only thing that will make you get off your lazy a-ss.

49. Friend: h3y w@tz rong?
Me: Obviously your spelling.

50. After an argument, I always think of awesome comebacks I could of said.

51. Why do we press harder on the remote buttons when we know the batteries are dead?

52. When you're somewhere you shouldn't be at:
Me: Everyone shut up!
answers phone
Me: Hiiii Mommy!!!

53. When I was younger, I couldn't wait to be older. But this isn't the s-hit I signed up for.

54. I'm the kind of preteen who drinks hot chocolate in the summer and eats ice cream in the winter.

55. Why I turn on the TV:
10%: To watch shows
90%: To use it as noise so I feel less lonely while I'm on the internet.

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