For All You Ignorant, Whiny Teenagers...
This is for all the idiotic people out there who cut themselves over Justin Beiber, who say they're suicidal for attention and make up horrible lies about fake events in their supposedly "terrible" lives and post them all over the internet. I am sick to death of seeing it. None of you stupid little children know what Depression is.
For the rest of you, do not take this as a guilt trip or cry for attention. I just want you all to understand what Depression actually is.
In reality, I not long ago started recovering from Depression.
Most of the time I used to feel alone. I felt alone the most when I was with my family. I constantly felt like an outsider...I was actually happier when I was by myself.
To be honest, I used to talk to myself. I would pretend I was with someone I missed or trusted. I could sit and have two hour conversations.
When I used to look in the mirror, I didn't recognise what I saw. I felt disappointment, hatred, anger that I was no longer me. My insecurities kept me from being the person I could be. I barely remembered the person I was. She felt so far away; almost like a completely different person. When I looked back, it was if I was looking at someone else's past, not my own.
It scared me. I scared me how much I had changed and how it seemed I would never get those days back. It scared me that things would never be the same again. Yes, they got better, but they will never be the same. The girl I was is just a faded memory now. It was like looking at an old photograph. That girl was great. She was fun and carefree. The girl I became was just a washed out version of her. A robot that was programmed to go through the motions of everyday life. Only giving automated responses.
I didn't chose to feel that way, I didn't want sympathy. I just wanted it to end. The hole inside me that couldn't seem to be filled. But it doesn't just stop.
I have the scars, emotional AND physical.
Nobody knew what went on in my mind but me. Nobody knew what was underneath. Nobody knew the pain I felt every waking moment.
The smile, the jokes, the laughter; it was all a mask. A cover. A falsity. Camouflage to prevent you seeing the frighted little girl underneath.
People judge, people ignore and people push aside what they don't understand. You don't comprehend so you label me as attention seeking or a drama queen or a stupid teenager.
In reality, I'm a person just like you. I'm a person who was just looking for a little understanding. Looking for that someone in the dark who would lead them back to the light. A person who was just trying to find a foot hold on the walls of the pit they had fallen into. A person who just wanted someone to get it.
Don't think I'm writing this to gain your attention or receive sympathy. I am writing this because so many people assume they know what it's all about, when in fact they don't have a clue. Yes ignorant little girls and boys, I'm talking about you.
It's silly little sheltered people like you who cause so much...discrimination if you will, about suicide, self-harm and the frosting on the cake; Depression.
Amanda Todd, #cutforJustin, popular self-harm pictures on Tumblr. All of these things romanticise Depression and the things that come with it. So let us explore some of them.
Amanda Todd. Why the HELL would anyone call her an inspiration? Why would anyone agree with what she did? Why would people share pictures of her on Facebook claiming she's "an angel" and "shee didnt daserve 2 diee"? Because she was bullied? Bullshit.
She was just one of the millions of attention seeking whores out there. She just happened to kill herself and managed to gain a heap of internet fame. She brought it upon herself. She slutted around, slept with a guy who had a girlfriend, posted nude pictures of herself on the internet and then complained about being bullied. She is NOT an inspiration. She should NOT be admired. NOR should she have a influence on others to behave like her and do what she did. She wasn't Depressed. She was a self absorbed idiot who wanted some sympathy and took it too far.
She is one of the reasons why people don't understand Depression. They assume people who have it are like her. Dumb, "look at me" types.
Okay, 'Cut For Justin' or 'Cut For Bieber". Are all of you girls freaking kidding me?! Are you all for real?! When I heard about this...I just lost it. Why in the world would you take a sharp object, put it to your skin and slice it over the fact that Justin Bieber did weed? Why?! Are you stupid? Cutting is not fun. It is not something you do over something so trivial! And if you're seriously that upset over it, well I suggest you get your head checked because that is just crazy. Have fun explaining to your kids why you have those hideous, jagged scars zigzagging over your body.
Once again, the stupidity of these girls influences other's stupidity towards Depression. It is people like YOU that make it so difficult for the actually mentally ill to get the help and support they need.
I want people to understand that this is an illness. A serious one. And it should be dealt with seriously. Not portrayed as something that is used by attention deprived little children.
It's more than that and there are a lot of people out there who need to wake up to that fact and quit using it to get sympathy.
What has been said here is not to be taken as a cry of "Poor Me!". It is to be taken as a justification, an explanation and a perspective of someone who has lived it and beaten it.