Life's "Unanswerable" Questions

Chapter 1

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These questions just really fucking bug me. They're not unanswerable ffs. Blaaahhhh. So here is a sample of some, and my responses to how unbearably stupid they are. -.-

"How does a shepherd count his flock without falling asleep?"
Are you fucking kidding me omg. Have you ever tried counting sheep to fall asleep? It doesn't. Motherfucking. Work.

"What came first, the chicken or the egg?"
The egg, because dinosaurs. -.-

"If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?"
Okay, first I would like to question the logic of using the word "accidentally" in this question, as I'm fairly certain that that ain't possible. Secondly, ever french-kissed someone? There's your answer.

"Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?"
How in god's name do you expect the glue to dry without oxygen you twat.

"What is the speed of dark?"
Dark cannot scientifically have a speed, as it is simply the absence of light. That's like asking what the speed of silence is.

"Can it ever be Opposite Day, since if it is, it isn't?"
Ffs, just say that Opposite Day is tomorrow and carry on with your stupid day.

"If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?"
YOU HAVE DONE EXACTLY WHAT YOU JUST SAID. YOU HAVE SUCCEEDED AT FAILING.

"If being a hipster is now mainstream, and I'm not a hipster, does that make me a hipster?"
No, it means that the stereotypical "hipster" is mainstream, and all true hipsters will start wearing Hollister and spouting "swag," "yolo," etc etc.

"Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly. So why did it fall off?"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME SHE WAS WEARING HIGH HEELS MADE OF GLASS YOU MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BIITCH
I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU RUN IN GLASS HEELS

"If a tree falls with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
You're an idiot, that's like me sitting here going "hmm, I don't remember what I had for dinner, so I DIDN'T HAVE DINNER" OMG OF COURSE IT MAKES A SOUND YOU IDJIT.

"Can you cry underwater?"
Can you breathe in air?

"If humans evolved from monkeys/apes, why are they still here?"
Because they didn't evolve directly from monkeys and apes. -.-

"What happens if you get a papercut from a Get Well card?"
You have a papercut. That is all.

"What shape is the sky?"
Every shape, and yet, no shape at all.

"If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?"
Get out.

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