Just.... WHY?!

Ignore the weird symbols..

Chapter 1

why.. why.. why!

by: Nikolia
Have you ever, had a crush…?
But thought it was love? I have. And I’m sure all of you have as well, and if you haven’t, you’re either lucky, or I just haven’t happened yet...
Mine, was called Connor.
All the way through primary school I was bullied, teased, asked to dances, and flirted with all as a joke. If a guy started talking to me by the end of yr6, I wasn’t very social. Then, in high school. New start (thankfully), I met Connor and various other amazing people. I honestly thought, that maybe, maybe we could be together, we became really close.
That was year 7.
Later one, I became the friend he wouldn’t hug around his friends, wouldn’t talk to. Would ditch and leave behind. Except in one class where he sat behind me and my friends and we talked and he would ask for me to sit next to him, and everything. I felt like I was falling for him. I had liked him secretly for years. I told/confessed my feelings for Connor to my cousin. They both in the end knew how I felt about Connor. But, my cousin and Connor started dating.
The day I found out, I was walking home feeling like my soul, my heart was bleeding. I almost jumped in front of buses, trucks, cars... but I didn’t. Why? To help my cousin. And even help Connor. Then, I reached the steep flight of solid concrete stairs, I threw myself down them, but a song was playing... when I was able to hear the lyrics, I reached out and grabbed the pole on the edge of the stairs. I just laid there sore and cried and cried. I went home and said I tripped.
I did... I tripped.
I continued to have feelings for Connor. But I accepted I wasn’t good enough, or his type, that I really just wasn’t worth it. I fixed their relationship once. I held my cousin while she cried. And talked to Connor when I could. Then.
They broke up.
My cousin seemed fine, I still helped her. But Connor was broken hearted. I stayed by his hide and helped him; he opened up to me and cradled everything he told me with care. Listening carefully. And thinking before I talked. Then he got into another relationship, why Krystal. Another sh^t one. I helped him when he was suicidal... I tried everything I could... till he was better.
Once he was better...
He stopped talking to me again. He stopped everything, again.
Today I hear him, depressed in maths class. Talking about girls, how he is sick of them. And everything else. How they always lead them on.
Have you ever …. Just wanted to stand up. And scream “I’VE BEEN HERE ALL ALONG OPEN YOUR EYES IM RIGHT HERE! I HAVE HELPED YOU SO MUCH, I STUCK BY YOU!! CANT YOU SEE ... I still care?”
He has been hanging around me and my friends lately, looking over at me. I see the pain in his eyes, the emotionless. Everything. I know I can’t have him. My feelings for him are locked away. But...
Why do I still want to cry and just hug him tight and never let go, when I see those eyes. And hear the pain in his voice...
Just…
Why?

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