Return To The Force

I was never good at writing plays. Sure, I tried. A long time ago, I made a story called "My Modern Shakespeare Chaos" and sure enough, it was chaotic. A little too chaotic if you ask me.

Eitherway, I decided to enter this contest and hope for the best. Wish me luck!

Your support is greatly appreciated!

Chapter 3

Act 2, Scene 1

Act 2 Scene 1
Jack, Will and London are on the plane back to America, but unbeknownst to them, the plane they are on is Snake Charmer's next target.

Setting: Aeroplane

(Enter WILL, LONDON and JACK. WILL, LONDON and JACK take their seats on the aeroplane with JACK taking the window seat and LONDON taking the seat closest to the aisle.)

(Enter MAN 1, WOMAN 1 and WOMAN 2. MAN 1, WOMAN 1 and WOMAN 2 take their seats in the row in front of WILL, JACK and LONDON.)

(Enter FLIGHT STEWARDESS 1)

FLIGHT STEWARDESS 1:
Hello and welcome to Qantas Airlines, will you be needing anything?

WILL:
No thank you, it's fine.

(FLIGHT STEWARDESS 1 nods and exits.)

LONDON:
So you don't need anything, but maybe I did?

WILL:
Oh come on, London --

LONDON:
I mean, seriously, do you even take notice of me anymore? I'm sitting right here next to you and you never bothered to ask if I needed anything! You just sent that stewardess away like nobody's busniess!

WILL:
Look, I don't want to make a scene, we're in a public place --

LONDON:
And so I'm just supposed to sit here and be your quiet, submissive wife to save you your face? I can't even be myself in public?

(MAN 1 turns around.)

MAN 1:
Keep it down back there! I'm trying to read the paper!

WILL:
Sorry!

(MAN 1 turns back to his newspaper. WILL grabs LONDON's hand.)

WILL:
Look, I don't want you to make a scene because you'll annoy the other passengers --

LONDON:
Oh, why do you care more about how they feel instead of how I feel?!

WILL:
It's not like I don't care about how you feel! I do! If it really means that much to you, I can call the flight stewardess back! What did you want from her?

LONDON:
Nothing. I don't need anything.

WILL:
Then why the hell did you make a scene about me sending her away?

LONDON:
Because you didn't bother asking me first if I needed anything!

WILL:
But you didn't need anything! That's the point!

LONDON:
Still, you should have had the consideration to ask me if I needed anything.

WILL:
But you didn't!

LONDON:
Are you deaf? I told you, it doesn't matter whether or not I needed anything! It was the thought that counted and I would've thought you would've had the basic decency to ask me first in case I needed anything before sending the damn stewardess away!

WOMAN 1:
Could you keep it down? I can hear you through my headphones.

WOMAN 2:
Sis, hush.

(WOMAN 2 turns back to LONDON and WILL.)

WOMAN 2:
Sorry, she's grouchy.

LONDON:
Yeah, and I am too.

WILL:
London!

LONDON:
What? Am I making a scene?

WILL:
(to WOMAN 2) I'm sorry.

(WOMAN 2 turns back to her sister. LONDON turns to WILL.)

LONDON:
Oh so you said sorry to a woman you've only known for like, 10 seconds but you couldn't say sorry to your own wife?!

WILL:
You're overreacting!

LONDON:
Do you have any idea at all how much that phrase irritates women?

WOMAN 1:
(to LONDON) It's true. That phrase was the whole reason I dumped my ex-boyfriend.

(WOMAN 1 jabs volume adjustment button on her headphones. LONDON turns to WOMAN 1.)

LONDON:
Uh, excuse me, I wasn't talking to you.

WILL:
(to LONDON) London! (to WOMAN 1) I'm so sorry, she's in a bad mood.

WOMAN 1:
Yeah, I am too!

WOMAN 2:
Sis!

WOMAN 1:
What? This chick can let off a bit of steam so why can't I?

LONDON:
Oh, you want to see me let off some steam? You really want to see that?

(MAN 1 turns back to LONDON.)

MAN 1:
Could you ladies hush up!

LONDON:-----------------------(at the same time)-----------------------------------WOMAN 1:
Read your newspaper, nerd.------(at the same time)------Mind your own business.

MAN 1:
(to LONDON) You're behaving like a child.

LONDON:
Insulting me isn't going to help.

WOMAN 1:
(to MAN 1) You're behaving exactly the way my ex-boyfriend did and that's why I dumped him!

MAN 1:
How is that relevant?

WILL:
(to WOMAN 1 and MAN 1) People, people, I am so sorry, can we just let bygones be bygones --

LONDON:
Why should you care?

WILL:
(to LONDON) Can you please. Stop. Talking.

LONDON:
Why should I stop talking? Am I making a scene?

WILL:
Yes! You are!

LONDON:
Okay then, so what? Afraid your reputation can't take the blow?

WILL:
No, I just --

WOMAN 1:
Ok, you know what, I'm not taking any of this crap any more. Let's go find someplace else to sit.

WOMAN 2:
Sis --

(WOMAN 1 gets up and exits. WOMAN 2 casts worried look at WILL and LONDON, then gets up and exits.)

WILL:
See? You chased them away!

LONDON:
Good. (picks up magazine) Now we can get some peace and quiet.

WILL:
We never get peace and quiet with you around!

LONDON:
(throws magazine down) Oh, you're only realizing that now after almost 4 years of marriage? And I thought you knew me, William Cole.

(LONDON gets up.)

WILL:
Where are you going?

LONDON:
To take a wazz!

(LONDON exits to restroom.)

(WILL sighs, putting hand to temple again and groaning.)

JACK:
I take it things aren't peachy between you and your wife?

WILL:
Yeah, no kidding!

JACK:
My advice. Rose petals in the bathtub and some soothing Lionel Richie. Works with my girlfriend.

WILL:
London would hate that.

JACK:
(short pause) Yeah, she would.

(Intercom crackles and announcement is broadcast.)

SNAKE CHARMER (OFF):
Hello and welcome, ladies and gentlemen to Qantas Airlines, this is your captain speaking. We apologize for the short delay in takeoff earlier and to make it up to you, can each passenger reach under his or her seat and take out the metal container below.

(There is a scramble as passengers reach under their seats to grab the containers. JACK, WILL and MAN 1 do the same.)

JACK:
(holding metal container) I wonder what's in here.

WILL:
It...it feels like there's something thrashing around inside.

SNAKE CHARMER (OFF):
To make up for the delay in takeoff, we're offering each passenger a free gift. Go on ahead and open the containers!

(MAN 1 shrugs and opens container. MAN 1 shrieks in horror as a snake leaps out from the container, biting down on his neck viciously.)

MAN 1:
AGGGHHH!

JACK:
OH MY GOSH!

(JACK drops container and a snake bursts out, lunging for JACK. WILL grabs JACK and pulls him aside. There is a stampede as passengers scream and run for their lives as snakes burst forth from each and every metal container.)

SNAKE CHARMER (OFF):
Thank you for taking Qantas Airlines. Have a pleasant flight.

(Intercom crackles and switches off.)

WILL:
Bastard! It's Snake Charmer!

JACK:
Snake Charmer's not the biggest worry at this point! (points to MAN 1, who has died of the snake bite) We've got to worry about the snakes first!

WILL:
Oh no, London!

JACK:
Get to her! I'll help as many as I can!

(Exit JACK.)

(Exit WILL to restrooms.)

(WILL rushes down aisle.)

MAN 2 (OFF):
OH CRAP!

WOMAN 3 (OFF):
SNAKES!

MAN 3 (OFF):
GET' EM OFF, GET' EM OFF, GET' EM OFF!

MAN 4 (OFF):
RUN!

WOMAN 3 (OFF):
AIEEEE!

MAN 3 (OFF):
ARGH!

MAN 4 (OFF):
HELP!

WOMAN 1 (OFF):--------------(at the same time)----------------WOMAN 2 (OFF):
AIEEE!-----------------(at the same time)--------------------AIEEE!

(Enter WOMAN 2, bleeding and injured.)

(WOMAN 2 clings to WILL's shoulder.)

WOMAN 2:
Help...me.

(WOMAN 2 collapses and dies.)

WILL:
Dear god...

MAN 2 (OFF):
RUN!

(Enter MAN 2, running)

MAN 2:
RUN! They're coming!

(Snake slithers up and lunges at MAN 2's neck. MAN 2 collapses, screaming, convulses on the floor and promptly dies.)

WILL:
Oh no...

(WILL exits, running.)

(Enter JACK stage left. Enter FLIGHT STEWARDESS 1 and FLIGHT STEWARDESS 2 stage right.)

FLIGHT STEWARDESS 1:
AIEEE!

JACK:
Are you two alright?

FLIGHT STEWARDESS 2:
Yes, but the captain! He's --

(Snake lunges out of nowhere and punctures FLIGHT STEWARDESS 2 through throat. FLIGHT STEWARDESS 2 collapses and promptly dies. Enter SNAKE CHARMER with a knife. SNAKE CHARMER sneaks up behind FLIGHT STEWARDESS 1 and puts knife to her throat.)

FLIGHT STEWARDESS 1:
HKK!

SNAKE CHARMER:
Don't move! Don't struggle!

(JACK whirls around to face SNAKE CHARMER.)

JACK:
Put the knife down!

SNAKE CHARMER:
Or what, Agent Green? Or what?

JACK:
What do you want? Why are you doing all this?

SNAKE CHARMER:
It's simple. I want to send a message. Humans are weaklings, conforming to their stupid fashion and music and clothes and all those unimportant things! Snakes, on the other hand, are a respectable, way more powerful species. I'm here to send a message to those who were weak to the end that they should be the one to be exterminated.

JACK:
You're crazy.

SNAKE CHARMER:
Am I? I consider myself enlightened. When this world hears my cry, they will come to understand. How foolish and weak they all are. I tried to tell them in a non-violent way but no one listens. No one cares. So I had to harness my art. This is the only way people can understand what fools they are. They are prey to their own selfish nature and yet they try to act like they are the predators, superior to weaker beings, when they are weakest of them all.

JACK:
And what? Snakes attacking and killing people is going to change that?

SNAKE CHARMER:
I was blessed with the gift of immunity against snakes. It was a sign to me that I could use snakes for a higher purpose, for instance, to show the world their true and cowardly nature. (slits FLIGHT STEWARDESS 1's throat) That's the man I am. That's who I was meant to be.

JACK:
You're a monster.

SNAKE CHARMER:
No. I'm a visionary.

(SNAKE CHARMER straps parachute onto back and walks calmly away.)

JACK:
You think I'll just let you leave? Like this?

SNAKE CHARMER:
I do believe you will. Or rather you don't have a choice. After all, someone needs to pilot this plane.

JACK:
What? Wait, who's flying?

(The plane suddenly shudders and starts to sink downward.)

SNAKE CHARMER:
Adios, Agent Green.

(SNAKE CHARMER runs and takes a head-dive through plane window.)

JACK:
Crap.

(Exit JACK to pilot's cabin.)

(Enter WILL.)

WILL:
(knocking on restroom door) LONDON! Are you in there?

(Enter LONDON with a bloody toilet plunger.)

LONDON:
No, I'm here asshole.

WILL:
I missed you too. What happened?

LONDON:
What did you think happened, this plane was ambushed by the terrorist you were hunting. But I took care of myself. Watch out behind you.

(LONDON calmly walks past WILL and bashes her toilet plunger on a snake slithering up behind WILL.)

WILL:
How did you --

LONDON:
Did you forget? I'm a war veteran.

WILL:
Of course I couldn't forget, I was part of that war!

LONDON:
Hmm. What a coincidence. Let's move.

(Exit LONDON and WILL.)

(Enter LONDON and WILL to pilot's cabin. JACK is already on scene, piloting plane.)

WILL:
Is everything under control?

JACK:
I'm piloting us to the nearest airport. Luckily enough, that would be our initial destination, in America.

WILL:
The snakes?

JACK:
Gone.

WILL:
What do you mean, gone?

JACK:
Most of the snakes died after a while. I think Snake Charmer must have poisoned them with a slow acting drug so they would die after attacking the passengers.

WILL:
Speaking of our slippery and sly terrorist, where is he? Hopefully, handcuffed and stuffed in an empty restroom somewhere, awaiting custody?

JACK:
No. He took a head-dive out the window with a parachute.

WILL:
Is it too much to hope that his parachute malfunctioned?

JACK:
If that does indeed happen, we'll hear about it on the news tomorrow and get medals from the President.

LONDON:
What about the passengers?

JACK:
(long pause) Dead. The whole lot of them. Not even the flight stewardesses made it.

(Silence for a while.)

JACK:
I'll get us to the airport soon.

LONDON:
Good. I've never wanted to be back on land more than I have now.

(Exit LONDON, WILL and JACK.)

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