what do you want?

Chapter 1

just express

What do you want? I don't want to do that, i don't find it interesting, i just want to be happy, i just want to do what i want!. why is it always what poeple say and think. all i want to do is LAY DOWN AND SLEEP! no, i have to study, u have to learn this, u have to BE THAT! i dont want to. what i want to do, never mattered. just becasue i am in good clases dosnt mean i will be number 1, just becasue i dont study dosnt mean i will fail. just becasue I DONT GIVE A anymore.\

and you know what. the things i do care for, the things that i wantted, the things i had and couldnt live without. are taken away. where to. idk. i tryied my best, i put everything i had into it. I PUT MY HEART AND DAMNED SOUL INTO IT. i tried my best to keep it afloat, tried to meand the wounds. but no..nothing ever works out. i wash away in the breeze, noone cares wehre i go or what i do. they only care if they have to. "at least you have someone that cares, be thankful" NO! THEY DONT CARE IF THEY HAVE TO! its like a job, u do it becasue u have to. dosnt mean u wantted to...no, things mean more when its becasue they want to. so far, noone wants me. i could fly away. burn to a crisp. BUT, i cant even do that. becasue it will be my fault, all the bills and all they would go through becasue im gone. blah!

i put myself out on the line for anyone. to let them know i am there to help. BECAUSE I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE AND MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS HAPPY. but, when i flall, or get depresed. i look around. NO ONE GIVES. noone offeres a hand. noone to cheer me up. no one to hold when im scared. "but u have loving parents"... yes, the love you have for an organ. its loved becuase u ahve to. when it is gone u will miss it. mabey never forget it.

but i do find it humorus, how noone cmes to help or anything. yet im there for them. if i disappered one day. mabey then they will finally see how much i meant to them. if i died, they would eirther finaly understand the impact i had on them, or shrug me off...like i was nothing.. nothing impportant.


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