The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take On "My Immortal"

From Jackie and Emily's two part series, our commentary on "My Immortal", because as Jackie puts it, "it's summer and we don't need brain cells". So prepare yourself for 44 Chapters of fun/torture/hilarity/pain.

Here is other part of this package (The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take On "Lovestruck")


Chapter 2

Mary Sues Need Gasping Limits

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! I set fire to the rain! And I watched burn! Along with this story, and all my chemistry notes! Burn baby burn!


The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining AKA: sleeting again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had Oh God. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin (Can you not? How about you just stay in there and not get out until your creator can conjure up a decent fanfiction?) and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced (If you’re putting earrings in, I’m assuming they’re pierced already, honey.) ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. At least it’s not society’s “ballerina bun”.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u! If you aren’t a good writer and you want to insert me into your story...please don’t. I don’t need my name tainted.) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. Don’t you open your eyes first? (Apparently not. But don’t judge, Emily.) But I’m part Candor. Would you expect Simon Cowell or Nigel from So You Think You Can Dance not to judge? I’m judging. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly. Let the prep talk begin. [And nothing against preps, I’m friends with a good number of them. Just using irony here.] (What do you mean you saw her talking to Draco? That was probably the shortest, most awkward conversation in history.)

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

“No I so fúcking don’t!” I shouted. That’s why you’ll start dating right? (Expletives!)

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily. (Let another awkward conversation commence!)

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me. Muggle band! Pureblooded wizard snob! Magical village! Muggle band!

“Oh. My. Fúcking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. Only two bands in the world according to her. Oh and since she did Amy Lee earlier. Oh darn. Only 3 bands in the world.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped. Yes gasp away. (I think we need to make a rule for fanfictions. Mary-Sues can only gasp x amount of times. Sometimes I wonder if that’s all some of these characters can do.) Can normal characters gasp beyond that set number? Because Hector has it coming in a hyperventilation in the caves. And he’s not a Mary/Gary Sue. (Hector can gasp all he wants because I like him, he’s a normal character, and he has a legitimate reason to.)

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