The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take On "My Immortal"

From Jackie and Emily's two part series, our commentary on "My Immortal", because as Jackie puts it, "it's summer and we don't need brain cells". So prepare yourself for 44 Chapters of fun/torture/hilarity/pain.

Here is other part of this package (The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take On "Lovestruck")


Chapter 44

One Does Not Simply Challenge Emily To A Latin Stand Off

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming Awww, I’m no longer a Glamor Girl? ok!!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!!!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!!!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!!!!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait!!! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak. Or the last chapter forever. (Yay!)


“Dat’s mi car!!!!” shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz………….Snape!!!!!

“I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. “Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. I AGREE! JACKIE SIGN THE PETITION! (Okay, I was about to sign my voice over to Ursula the Sea Witch, but that works too.) Den the Dork Lord shall never die!!!!”

“You fúcking prep!!!” yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. “I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn’t really have sexx him but he’s a ropeist!!!!” (Emily, I can’t take it! This is just too much!) I guess it’s time for the last aspect of my personality to come out...Erudite Emily, you there? Yeah she says that there isn’t any hope and she gives up.

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scarred!!!!1 (So am I, scarred for life, from this terrible fanfiction.) But Satan didn’t change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into………… Voldemont *(Voldemort Voldy Voldy Voldemort!) .!!!!!!!111 So he changed but he didn’t change? I just give up.

“I knew who thou were all along.” he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. “Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!” Thunder came in da room.

“No plz don’t kill us!” pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B’loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall She got her name right!, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

“What is da meaning of dis?” Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.* …she got a fact right about Harry Potter…* ) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

“Oh my goth!” Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)

“The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!” Snape ejaculated Oh this one can also spell ridiculous words. (She can also spell about 50% of her words right, though. And ejaculated isn’t as ridiculous a word as ecclesiastically.) menacingly.

“You fúcking preppy fágs (AKA Keenan)!” Serious shouted angrily.

“I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!” That’s not four letters. screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco’s car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

“Oh my fúcking god!!!1” I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with (And the moral of the story is, lock your door and don’t videotape yourself when you’re ‘doing it’! Is it that hard to use your common sense?)

“If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton.” She’s goth? What? Please excuse me while I go and slam my head against something hard. He laughed meanly.

“No!” I scremed. “FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!!!!11”

“Whats she talking abott??????” Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.

“I saw 2 she’s gunna show evry1 da picter!!!111” Harry shouted angrily.

“Shut up!!!111’” Lumpkin roared.

“Foolish ignoramuses!!!!!!” I actually like that. yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.”

“Think again you fúcking muggle poser!!!!!1” Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one. (There’s good, there’s bad, Voldemort’s the guy with the gun.)

“U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!!!!!!111” I shouted despariedrly. Well in that case you all lost. Now: te odeo, interfice te cochleare. [I hate you, go kill yourself with a spoon]

“Acco Nevel’s wand!!!11” cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil’s wind was in his hands. “Now I shall kill thee all and Evony Alius nomen mutare! [Another name change!] u will die!!!!!!!!11111” Perite! [May you die!]

He maid lighting come all over da place. (The Lightning Maid: the cheap rip-off of Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson and the Olympians series.) Well can’t be worse than the movies….

“Save us Ebony!” Dumbledark cried. Minime! [No!]

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends Stulte! [Idiot!] while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted. forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit [Perhaps, someday it will be enjoyable to remember even this.] (Nope. I’m not giving it that vote of confidence.)

(But then Jackie went to the secret location and got out the……………………………………………………………… amnesia potion! She and Emily both took it with a glass of red blood and forgot that the fanfiction ever existed! The End.)

Don't forget Grace! And all the readers!

(Sorry, out of amnesia potion! Guess that the readers will be stuck remembering… wait, what was it again? Never mind, whatever it was couldn’t be that awful.)

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