Chuck Norris Facts (They're Funny!!!)


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Chapter 1

Chuck Norris Facts

1) Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, and after five days of excruciating pain...the Cobra died.

2) Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He defeats it fair and square.

3) He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris, it's definitely his last laugh.

1A) It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.

4) When an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be on the safe side.

5) The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris's age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

6) The first rule of Chuck Norris: Follow his rules or eat his roundhouse kick.

7) Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee never actually fought off-screen. If they had, the universe would have imploded and we all would have been vaporized.

8) When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

9) On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still-beating heart of on of his enemies. (Being the romantic type, Chuck believes every day should be Valentine's Day.)

2A) Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze

10) Even google can't find Chuck Norris.

11) On the seventh day, God rested... and Chuck Norris took over.

12) The term cowboy is used because Chuck Norris is the only on qualified to be a cowman.

13) When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

14) Why were no weapons of mass destruction found in the Middle East? Because Chuck Norris lives in Texas.

3A) Chuckmate... You Lose

15) Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed at night.

16) Chuck Norris never uses a stunt double, except during crying scenes.

17) Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident but was stull able to walk it off.

18) Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

19) When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

4A) For Chuck Norris, Every Street is "One Way." His Way.

20) When the going gets tough, the tough get Chuck Norris.

21) The real, full name of the UFC is Ultimate Fighting Championship: Non-Chuck Norris Division.

22) Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

23) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. The is only another fist.

24) As President Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." And fear has nothing to fear but Chuck Norris.

25) Chuck Norris's mind is connected to the internet. He refreshes Web pages by blinking.

26) When Chuck Norris plays monopoly, it affects the world economy.

27) Chuck Norris never won an Academy Award for acting in any of his action
movies--- because he's not acting.

28) For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly onto his chest.

5A) Chuck Norris's pulse is measured on the Richter Scale

29) Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know----except the definition of mercy.

30) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.


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