You can't make a home out of a human being.

Chapter 1

.........

you cannot make a home out of a person.
i've said it before,
muttered it to myself through the dusty twilight,
and whispered it to the stars.
i've screamed it from the rooftops until i had to choke out the syllables that kept me alive,
and i've breathed it into her hair with a cautiousness that one could only attribute to the smallest of creatures.
but i'll repeat it now, because
you can't make a home out of a human being.
i am not here to keep you warm.
my arms aren't just walls to protect you from the lightning outside the windows you created.
my heart isn't a light switch that you can switch on and off for when you want affection,
and when you don't.
don't even try to make me carry the weight of your regret;
my legs are buckling at the knees,
and my legs may be a solid foundation,
but they're not for you to build on.

i know you don't want to hear it;
but you do not need anybody, and nobody needs you.
i've seen people destroyed for want of being needed.
i've seen girls wreck themselves on the bedposts of boys who don't remember to call them back.
i've seen them come home with bruises on their spines and words of love on their lips,
thoughts running through their minds, convincing themselves that it is all in the name of being wanted,
that this is the best way they could have gotten what they craved.
i have seen boys tear their brains to shreds on the sharp teeth and harsh words of girls who don't care,
i've seen boys with lovers who dig in their razor sharp claws and play with emotions the way a cat plays with it's food,
i've seen them lying on a couch and refusing to cry,
telling themselves that they do not want to escape,
convincing their minds that they want this forever.

just stop.
people are not medication.
you have gotten yourself to here;
how could you think you would crumble and fall without another person,
when yours are the shoulders that have held up this earth since you were old enough to walk.
you have been carrying your own body weight thus far;
what has convinced you that you need help now?
you've made it this far.
you can get out on your own.

don't assign that power to someone else.
you have that spark by yourself.

darling;
you cannot make a home out of another human being.

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