My Life So Far As a Lesbian

My Life So Far As a Lesbian

This is going to be my story in a way of tying to deal with my life, I suppose you could say it is a journal of some sorts.

Chapter 1

What if I am Mom!?!

Behold, my best friend and I at Queer Prom for the first time beside the most beautiful drag queen on the planet, Marni. This happened just last week but the story I want to tell you is of all that happened that lead up to that magnificent moment and pretty much what I have had to live through to get there. Some of said moments including: Coming out to my parents at eleven(Which we will speak of in this chapter) , being outed to your surprisingly homophobic school by someone you trusted, going back in the closet and having a homophobic boyfriend, buying your friend a pregnancy test and pretty much all that other special stuff.

In the first grade I had a crush on my best friend Ashlee, I like to consider us friends now even though we haven't talked since she moved in the second grade to the next town over. But that doesn't matter. She is still my friend in my mind. Ashlee and I did everything together, every week my mom and I would go pick her up for dance class then after she would usually spend the night. That's when I think I first noticed that I liked girls. Being six years old I didn't know what lesbians even were yet but I did know how I felt about Ashlee, and she knew how she felt about me. We were little kids so we didn't entirely understand what it meant to be in a relationship but we did know that we had to keep it a secret and that in movies people had sex. We didn't know what sex was but we did know that people were naked for it. So pretty much we would do that then just look at eachother. Honestly, I think this was weird now in retrospect but we just thought that's what everyone did. The female body always amazed me, with the long hair and lovely smiles and Ashlee had both of those things. I mean now that I am older I notice a lot more with a woman`s body but we can save that for another day. The point of this is that I liked her. That's all I can really say.

The second girl I really liked was my neighbor Brianna when I was nine. This one was my neighbour. She was also another best friend throughout my life. Again, we liked eachother and again, it was in secret. Except, this time we knew what lesbians were and I didn't know about her but I knew I was one. Over the course of me finding myself I have been straight, lesbian and bisexual, never being entirely sure until last summer. I have been in, and out of the closet multiple times and have had plenty of schoolyard relationships with boys to make an effort of being straight. For a long time I didn't want to be gay, but I always was because it wasn't really my choice to make. I just couldn't stay away from the females, what can I say?

Now we jump to the sixth grade..... no girls, just coming out. My parents would bug be a lot about me not having a boyfriend and would say stuff like: "Maybe she`s gay and just doesn't know it yet." or "What are you gay or something?" then one day I just cracked. The exact conversation went like this:
"Still no boyfriends, right?"
"No, mom. Still no boyfriends."
"Maybe you`re gay."
"What if I am mom?!?"
"Then your Dad and I would love you all the same."
"Well I am."
"You are?"
"Yep."
"So no teen pregnancy?"
"Nope."
"Good... HONEYYY!!!!"
"YEAH?!?"
"JESSE HAS SOMETHING TO TELL YOU GET OVER HERE!"
"OKAY!!!"
Then my dad came from across the house into the living room.
"You had something to tell me?"
"Yep."
"It had better not be anything bad."
"Daddy, I am a lesbian."
"That's all?"
"Yep."
"Your mother called me all the way over here for this?"
"Yep."
"Well then okay, sorry for bugging you about it."
"Thanks Dad."
"Your Dad and I love you."
"Love you too."
Then I walked away because I felt about as awkward as a baby giraffe and I bit light headed too. But I also felt happy, really happy.

So that concludes the first grade up to the sixth, the next chapter will be the seventh and the summer after. When it started getting real. If you have any questions or comment feel free to send them to me on my profile. thanks for reading. :)

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