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Chapter 1

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I PROMISED YOU THAT I WOULD STOP CRYING BUT THE THING IS I DON'T KNOW HOW ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME THAT I'M ALRIGHT OR THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY I TRUST YOU ABOUT AS MUCH AS I TRUST EVERYONE ELSE WHICH IS NOT A F♥CKING LOT AND IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL BUT HONESTLY YOU SHOULD JUST WALK AWAY NOW BECAUSE I SHATTERED MYSELF OVER THE CRUMBLING PILLARS OF EVERYTHING I USED TO BELIEVE IN AND I'M EITHER GOING TO DRAG YOU DOWN WITH ME OR CUT YOUR HANDS TO SHREDS AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT TO YOU YOU ARE ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I HAVE LEFT BUT AT SOME POINT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT I AM SET ON SELF DESTRUCT AND YOU CAN'T FIX ME ALL YOU CAN DO IS WATCH ME CONTINUE TO STICK SHARDS OF GLASS THROUGH MY SKULL UNTIL I COLLAPSE IN A POOL OF INSECURITIES THAT I FORGOT HOW TO SWIM IN AND THROW UP EVERY LAST SECRET THAT I KEEP FROM MY PARENTS BECAUSE THEY PROBABLY NEED TO SEE THEM BEFORE THE WORD "DEAD" CARVES ITSELF INTO MY THROAT BECAUSE WHEN I TRY TO TALK TO THEM THE WORDS JUST CRASH UP AGAINST MY TEETH BEFORE THEY CAN MAKE IT OUT OF MY MOUTH AND IT HURTS SO MUCH THAT I FORGET WHAT EVEN CAUSED THE HURT IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THAT'S JUST THE PROBLEM WITH ME I FORGET THE ISSUES THEMSELVES BUT NOT THE EMOTIONS ATTACHED SO MY WHOLE LIFE I'VE FELT THIS DEEP SENSE OF ABANDONMENT AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAUSED IT BUT MAYBE THAT'S WHY I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE LEAVING.

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