Self Hate (Poem)

Please don't leave any negative comments on this one. I was just writing down how I feel and I really don't need anything to bring me down any more right now. I could use your support, the few of you that actually bothered to read this.

Also, this is the longest poem that I've ever written, so sorry if it's a lot to read.

Chapter 1

Self Hate

All alone with self hate
No beauty no brains
And I just can’t escape
Night is here light is gone
Still heat creeps along
And it feels all wrong
Get me out, get me out
I can’t seem to thrive
Get me out, get me out
I don’t want to survive

I hate myself but I love you so
There are so many things I wish you’d know
But they’re all things that you wouldn’t understand
Each one would slip through your fingers like sand
I’m a mess, I’m distressed and slightly depressed
And there’s more but I know that you’re unimpressed
I guess I never know the right thing to say
I just wish that I could explain
I guess I never know the right thing to say
Nothing I say will stop the pain

No one cares quite as much as I do
Try to get over it but I still miss you
Why must I be so ignorant
I guess that I’m just an idiot
I like to believe that I deserve love like you
How come I never seem to be able to see truth
I want to stop caring so much
Maybe if you cared the pain would go away
I want to stop caring so much
Maybe if you cared you’d be my escape

I envy those who they that they feel so small
I wish that I was like that and could disappear into the wall
I wish I wasn’t so big and I wish I didn’t stand out
I wish that I knew how to hide all of my fear and doubt
I wish that I didn’t complain so much
I wish that I knew how to keep my mouth shut
I always dwell on the things that I don’t have
God, I really want someone to care
I always dwell on the things that I don’t have
Why does that have to be so rare

This poem doesn’t sound good and I know
I’m aware that it’s too long and it doesn’t flow
I know that the rhyme is really off
And I know that my skills aren’t too sharp
I’m sorry if it’s too much to know
But I can’t wrap my feelings in a neat bow
And my words might not be that clear
But the good news is that the end is near
And you might be wondering who the “you” is
And the you is anyone who will listen
Will someone please listen?

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