it's been a while

hi

Chapter 1

its been far too long

hi! i dont know if anyone really comes on anymore? and im really sad to say that i doubt that many users even remember me or care about me anymore since i kind of left, even with my second account (bluemango). I said i might come on sometimes, and for a while after i left, i did come on a lot and just check my notifications but not say anything.
i probably posted something a while ago saying how i didnt need this anymore and group writing had become like a chore, and i think that still remains the same. i havent even written for a long time, though, and my summer is over next week and i go back to high school. i didnt write nearly this entire summer and i miss it a lot. group writing may have been frustrating and kind of difficult, but at least it kept me doing what i always have loved. i miss this so much and to see the site maybe getting back on its feet really makes me feel happy.
someday i do want to publish a book. i really do. but i have a lot of issues with concentration and with sticking to an idea, and then when i cant do any of that, i fall apart. i have clinical depression, maybe even psychotic depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. everything is quite hard and a lot of times i feel nothing at all and just want to evaporate ?
i dont know its besides the point. anyways, when i am writing, i am happy. but i can never get into the mood to write i can never just make myself do it and its PAINFUL.
anyways, besides all my health issues, i really do miss all the people i met here. i think my anxiety and depression maybe made me let go of this website and convinced me i needed to move on, but move on from what? i dont know. i made some of the best internet friends of my life here (though i also met some of the worst people ive met on the internet, ive met more good people to tip the scale) and it makes me feel terrible that when i was like 12? i decided to just let everyone go. i'm so sorry for that and i regretted it a lot, and coming on here and seeing all my old friends is just painful.


anyways. i think im going to repost this to my second account and maybe ill make a new account. i always did like it here and it was a big part of my life (the 4 elements, a new kind of danger/troubles along the way, mysteries kept within, etc.) and so were a lot of the friends i made (flutekitty, lilypotter101, artyfowl85, dreamergirl, sugarkart, mortalinstruments411. sorry if i missed you <33) but to be honest, this website isnt in my tabs anymore and neither is polyvore or anything else that had tied me to this website from when i was younger and i didnt even know about things going on in the world and i wasnt depressed or scared or suffering quite yet. i really miss all of you but that isnt my life anymore, im sad now and its different now and im just trying to make my life my own? i dont know. its difficult.

so, i dont know what im doing. sorry. but i love and miss all of you and thank you so much for making my early years on the internet as happy as they possibly could be. you're amazing and i owe it all to my friends here. thank you so much.

xoxo dakota (i chose a new name, please dont refer to me as anna anymore if you can help it)

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