9 O'Clock

Let me know your thoughts, I'd appreciate some criticism.

Chapter 1


It's not quite nine at night
yet at the moment I'm feeling so alone
and I don't know if this is the lack of sleep talking
but I miss you and your heart of gold,
and more importantly I miss you and our conversations
that lasted for hours at a time if that was what was needed
because you were always there for me, as I was for you-
at least that's what I thought before you "deleted"
from my life with no trace on where you could be found.

But again- I don't know if I'm saying that because I'm exhausted
or because my emotions are draining into my blood
since I thought I was fine- at least beginning to be so
even though now I'm drowning in the memories of you as if they're raindrops that cause a larger flood.

Maybe I'm really not "okay"
even though I've told people that I've accepted our fate
and have moved on with my life.
Maybe you're still pulling me along, making me hope that you're my soulmate
when in reality all I am is someone that's hopelessly devoted
to the idea of what we could be
because those glimpses of where we shared our love
have been something that will forever make me feel-- free.

But even if me saying this is because it's true
you're gone and I can't fix that
since just by saying this won't bring you back
because I'll never be able to change the fact
that you actually left me here all alone
drowning in tears
because in reality, I needed you to be here
and to be honest, I may be waiting for you for 100 years.

It is now nine o'clock
and I'm feeling so lost and confused
because I don't know if I'm feeling is true
or if my heart is drowning after being bruised.


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